My collection of rants and raves about technology, my kids and family, social/cultural phenomena, and inconsistencies in the media and politics.


Female Vocabulary

Here's a funny little article I found somewhere on the web a while back.

And let me just clarify that by "funny" I mean "funny how some husbands have to deal with their wives on this level, since my wife and I are honest and open enough to share with each other without all this". Yeah, that's it.

This is the word women use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. Never use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.
This means something and you should be on your toes. Nothing is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. Nothing usually signifies an argument that will last Five Minutes and end with the word Fine.
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over Nothing and will end with Fine.
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care. " You will get a raised eyebrow Go Ahead in just a few minutes, followed by Nothing and Fine and she will talk to you in about Five Minutes when she cools off.
This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A Loud Sigh means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over Nothing.
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. A Soft Sigh is one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. That's Okay means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. That's Okay is often used with the word Fine and used in conjunction with the raised eyebrow form of Go Ahead. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a That's Okay.
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say you're welcome.
This is much different than Thanks. A woman will say, Thanks A Lot when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the Loud Sigh. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the Loud Sigh, as she will only tell you Nothing.


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